In this week’s part of our ongoing series with popular sexologist and family counselor, Hajjati Hamida Namatovu exonerates men from their less than commendable behavior and places the blame squarely on the women’s heads. Today’s topic is red hot and will make you angry, happy and will get you thinking. Whatever nerve it touches in you, my hope is that you take these comments, interpret them in your own way to help you along your journey of growth. After all we are all here to learn and grow. Read on:
When I say that women don’t know how to be women I mean that they have no idea what femininity really is. Many women associate femininity with being weak, recessive, easy to take advantage of, or docile. Others think that it’s going around half naked, slipping in and out of men’s beds, and getting paid crumbs for their disgrace.
Contrary to popular misconception, the feminine power is the strongest power there is. It seeks to collaborate, cooperate, nurture, create and core qualities are beauty, grace, purpose, joy, and love. In natural elements women are water and men are fire. Fire burns, destroys and has all these theatrics around it, yet it is no match for the gentle and unassuming water.
The basic role of a woman is to inspire the man to rise to his masculinity. A man thrives on how you complement his doing, masculine nature. When you are being your natural, alluring, feminine self, he feels inspired to shower you with love, devotion and do great things for you. So your role as a mother, sister or wife is to constantly create situations where the man has no option but to take over the reins without your help. A man wants to please you not just because it makes you happy, but because he feels like he can change your life in a positive way. Men need this, and if you’re the one who is always doing, then guess what? You’re doing the man’s job. And it turns him off.
For me I admire the pure Bahima women who haven’t been corrupted by other influences or those who were really well groomed. They have this helplessness and softness air around them that men are naturally attracted to because it makes them feel great and want to do great things for those helpless creatures. Does this mean that they are helpless? No. A woman who has braved storms, walked miles in the blistering sun in search of water and defended cattle against wild animals is as strong as they come, BUT they know when to be strong and when to be weak.
Our young girls these days have turned themselves into walking ATMs. They are the ones funding their relationships and even paying bride price for themselves. This is highly unnatural and it is no wonder that there is a lot of unhappiness in such homes. Working to get and keep a man’s attention doesn’t work. That’s because a man doesn’t fall in love by how much you give him or do for him, he falls in love because of how much he does for you.
Remember, men are fascinated by women because we feel things in ways they can’t. Those childlike emotions like crying during a movie or swooning over shoes deeply mesmerize them and they will keep doing whatever it is that evokes those reactions just to have that experience. So don’t feel silly about getting very excited about a gift he brings, in fact go all in and bring on the theatrics; jump all over the place, scream your gratitude but it better be a gift worth it, not air time.
The other trait every woman should learn is softness. Your talking tough and acting rough all the time is what is driving your men into other women’s arms. If you are in court prosecuting a case then by all means be as tough as need be, but when you leave court and get home be as soft as pussy cat. Remember, men are like babies, they respond to the way you treat them; treat them like treasure and they will deliver treat them like a jailer and they will find means of escaping your prison.
Our young women have misunderstood the gender equality for emasculation. Even the most emancipated women like maama Matembe (Dr Miria Matembe, renowned gender activist and former Ugandan minister of ethics and integrity) still treat their husband’s with due reverence and respect. If you let your man be the head of the household, he will be too busy thinking of ways to please you to think of starting another home elsewhere. I have been in this family counseling for a long time and the problems are usually the same; the women have become inattentive to themselves and the men, they are nagging or they have usurped the men’s roles.
So if you’re having a hard time in your relationship or can’t seem to keep a man around then its time you embraced your femininity. Start by respecting the men in your life and giving them a chance to lead you because when the man opens the door literally the testosterone increases, the oxytocin increases in the feminine partner that creates biochemistry for passion.
Everyone knows you can open the door, but it’s not about that. They know that you could pay for the meal, but it’s not really about that either. It’s about getting back to your core and relearning the dynamics of your feminine power and using it to its full potential.