Column SquadDatingMen Of Our Lives

Want To Get Married? Stop Hooking Up -Hamidah


The main reason I got into this business in the first place was to teach the young generation how to create and foster satisfying relationships and how to live inside their bodies with confidence and joy.  Yet now I realize that I am in danger of being irrelevant since no one seems interested in cultivating meaningful relationships with the opposite sex thanks to the so called ‘hook up culture’.

We have watched the nature of our relationships change from letter writing; to phone calls that got replaced by text messages; and text messages that have been replaced by emoticons. Either this generation forgot, or they just never tried, but one thing is true: this is a generation devoid of love and romance.

Can you remember the last time someone really pursued you? Those stories of young men being harassed by protective fathers or brothers as they chased after a young girl are real. These days nobody wants to put in the time or risk the hurt it takes to truly get to know someone.

A few days ago, I paid a surprise visit to one of my “daughters” and as I came in, I noticed a man dashing out trying to hide from me. I asked my daughter who the young man was and she told me she didn’t know him. Thinking that she was just being coy I assured that it is okay to play the field once in a while especially when you are not yet married.

‘Of course I know that senga, but what I mean is that I really don’t know him. He was just a hook up. I don’t even really know his name or what he does and he knows nothing about me as well.” She elaborated.

“Oh no it is common these days. Everybody does. We don’t have time for relationships but we still want the sex, so you just get someone who doesn’t want any involvement beyond the sex.” she added.

In other words, hooking up is a trend that one must embrace to fit in with your peers, even if you secretly hate it.

What a sad sad world. What is sex without romance? Do you know what this kind of sex does to your body? What about the psychological effects of casual sex? Let me paint this picture for you. Having sex with a man who has no interest in you is like a car being driven by a reckless driver; he will hit the avoidable potholes, speed unnecessarily and generally deface it with abandon. A woman’s vagina is a delicate thing that needs to be treated tenderly or it loses its essence. Now, when you get your so called hookup, all he cares about is his pleasure and won’t mind bruising or tearing your precious flower apart before going onto the next one.

Some of you think that there are chances of turning a hookup into a real relationship, this is a big mistake and it will never happen. The sad truth is that when time comes for him to settle down, he will look for the woman who is still fresh and intact while you languish on the singles shelf unable to keep any man’s interest because you are damaged goods.

As you get a bit older, you will begin to look around for a monogamous relationship but it will be difficult getting someone to commit because of your history of hookups. This town is brimming with beautiful women who have become victims of the hookup culture. Personally I know several women who used to be passed around like a football from one minister to another, from one general to another but are now aged, single with nothing to show for their beauty.

And the problem is going to become bigger unless something changes. I say it’s time for young people to stop being lazy when it comes to dating. You need to break your poor dating habits and realize that if you want to meet The One, you have to act like it. This generation needs to go back in time, get off Whatsapp and get to know people by conversation instead of text.

Get off your computers and go out to meet people in your own town. If you find someone attractive, take him or her out for coffee instead of just one night of passion fueled by alcohol and drugs. I am very sure that once young people begin putting romance ahead of sexual pleasure the lack of marriage partners will be drastically solved and marriages themselves will regain their sacredness. Change begins with you. Start now.