Column Squad

Taxi Memoirs: Taking Eve For A Ride


There is nothing as beautiful as young love and by young I don’t mean age, I mean the stages. It’s as if people regardless of age give their mental faculties leave as soon love bites.  Their faith in each other is abnormal and the things they are willing to endure for the sake of love are simply insane!  But there is nothing as bad as being smitten with someone as worthless as the guy I encountered today on my taxi ride.

As I enter the taxi at Stretcher Road, one of the passengers gets off to let me in so she could remain in that same seat. This girl who is about sixteen, I notice is wearing men’s underwear because the elastic band with clashing labels Calvin Klein/Gaetano shows above her skirt when her blouse rides up. I get thinking that you would have to be in the lowest pits to have to wear men’s underwear but I firmly put those thoughts to rest.

In Nakawa, our driver changes his mind about going to the city and sells us off for five hundred shilling per head to another taxi. And this is when the ride becomes interesting. This time the girl in men’s underwear is seated directly behind me with a young man smelling of the after effects of those cheap spirits. Consider yourself very lucky if you have never smelled this stuff. The stench is so disgusting that I sincerely feel that the women who share these men’s beds deserve their own Member of Parliament.

Soon, the couple that I will henceforth refer to as Adam and Eve starts their conversation with the former asking the latter if she knew why we had stopped. A coquettish Eve answers in the negative. Seizing the chance to show off his superior knowledge, Adam tells Eve that it’s because of the traffic lights. He proceeds to teach her about how traffic lights work, what different colors stand for and their locations around the city. He concludes the lesson with the name of the road we are currently riding on; Jinja road.

Looking as if she had just had lesson from Einstein, Eve asks the most powerful question expected under such circumstances; whether the cars parked by the roadside are for sale. He answers in the negative informing her that they belong to the big shots in government and have been left there to be washed really.  He promises to take her to where cars are sold later telling her that if he wasn’t so tired they would have gotten off the taxi so he would give her a proper tour of the city. However, he promises to take her to the most fascinating place in the city; the taxi park. As I disembark at Cairo Bank I am really concerned for this poor village girl who travelled thousands of miles to Kampala and ends up getting the taxi park tour.

But apparently the worst is yet to come because as I sit in my Entebbe bound taxi, surprise surprise! I catch a glimpse of the two love birds holding hands heading to USAFI Park. Adam probably convinced Eve that the best way to understand the city is to tour USAFI Park.

I know that all is fair in love and war according to Shakespeare but sitting on a bus for all those hours to visit your man and all he can show you is Jinja road is as unfair as it gets. Next time you have nothing to show a sister, just let her be! Please guys mutureke!