Has a friend ever come to you in distress because she found that the man she was cheating with has another girlfriend? I often find such stories really hysterical. “What did you expect?” I want to ask. “If he could cheat on his wife with you, why can’t he cheat on you with your best friend?

Love begets love. Like attracts like. If you are doing unloving things even in the name of love don’t be shocked when things don’t work out. Have you confused sex and love? Are you withholding vital information from your partner? These are some of the unloving things you might be doing that are causing you pain in your relationships. You want to experience true love? Then don’t do any of the following.

Don’t sleep with other people’s partners. This is one of most disrespectful and dangerous things one can do. Have you ever experienced the wrath of a wronged partner? Believe me you don’t want to!

I have heard the most outlandish excuses people give for allowing themselves to be used and abused; he doesn’t love his wife, he is separated, he is doing it for the children. That is just nonsense. Forget what they say, if they were meant for you they will come to you after they have rid themselves completely of all other relationships.

In case you didn’t know about the other relationships pack your things and get the hell out of there as soon as you do. Don’t make excuses; don’t give the relationship cute, fancy names. It is wrong, it is ungodly, and it is unloving to you and everyone else.

Don’t enter a relationship for selfish reasons.  We are selfish when we “take care of ourselves” with no concern for the effect our behavior has on others or when we expect others to give themselves up for us,  do what we want them to do rather than what they want or need to do.

Don’t indulge in self-destructive behavior expecting your partner to pick up the slack. Control yourself, he is your partner not your parent. Avoid over-spending, over-eating or eating junk, over-drinking limit yourself to what is healthy and productive.

Stand up for yourself; speak up for what you want. You are dating a man not an angel; he can’t read your mind.

Don’t tell lies. If you truly love someone, don’t withhold information even if you think you are sparing their feelings. Telling someone the truth is your way of expressing your belief their ability to handle every circumstance.

Don’t enter a relationship expecting the person to change for you. It is unloving to expect people to change simply because you want them to. If who he is no longer meets your needs, you have a right to move on and look for someone else.

Don’t make demands on love. Love isn’t a tool nor is it a weapon. We lose its essence when we try to turn it into either. Simply love for its sake without demands and expectations. love  gets complicated and painful when we place demands and our expectations go unfulfilled.

Don’t confuse sex and love; they are two different things. Sex is a natural activity while love is the essence of who you are.  It is possible to have mind-blowing sex with someone you don’t love and we often confuse our desire to sleep with someone with loving them.  Love is good because it feels good not because of what you do.

Don’t stay in a relationship that no longer serves you. Breaking up is difficult but is necessary. When a relationship is over, it is over. Staying in a relationship long after it is healthy or wise to do so isn’t only bad for your emotional being it is also physically dangerous. Don’t be a martyr, a heroine or a fool for love. If the relationship is broken save yourself the pain of the darker days ahead and move on with your dignity.