Column Squad

Taxi Memoirs: Samson And Delilah Ugandan Version


Scene 3/67 - Int Delilah's House - Bedroom; Delilah (KIERSTON WAREING) is snipping away at Samson's (NONSO ANOZIE) hair.

Have you ever met someone and got this vision of how their life would end or at least the significant events that are about to happen to them? I do. And i  usually have a 75% success rate with my predictions. The moment I laid my eyes on this couple I could see cameras flashing and I knew without a doubt that they would end up on Agataliko nfufu.

The couple reminded of that bible story of Samson and Delilah. Everyone is familiar with the story of Samson, the strongest man who ever lived. The Bible states he single-handedly killed a thousand men with a jawbone. There’s no doubt about it—he was invincible but couldn’t resist the charms of the enchantress Delilah.

I met the drunk in love couple on my way from Bweyogerere to town. The couple itself is another triumph of God’s creative diversity. The man, in his late twenties, is of medium height, strongly built but the most memorable thing about him are his dirt caked finger nails. You could plant beans under his nails and get a bounty harvest!

His wife is a mousy diminutive creature with a bleached orange skin, red kiwani, yellowish henna on her nails and a million bangles that jiggle nosily every time she moves her arms. If the look was intended to seduce and charm poor Samson, then Delilah has succeeded.

Samson openly ogles his Delilah probably unable to believe his luck. She on the other hand has the modesty to look embarrassed at his open worship of her but most times she gives off that “mundaba” vibe.

The discussion starts off with the baggage from their past relationship especially the children. Delilah lays down the law telling the entranced Samson that she doesn’t expect to ever see his ex in their home under the pretext of visiting her children. She on the other hand has no option but to meet with her ex constantly since he has to contribute to the children’s upkeep. The man agrees readily as if not detecting the contradiction. The next issue to be tackled is the in-laws and she informs him that she doesn’t want to share her home with his mother because she plans to bring her own mother who is needed to help her with the children and household chores. Again the man agrees. If this was a football match it would be two nil with goalkeeper helping to score himself.

Next up is the very sensitive money issue which Delilah has once again taken a more controlling role as the planner and executioner of their pooled savings and investments.

That finished, Delilah coquettishly looks as at her Samson and tells him that he should stop using the herbs since his stamina is too much. “You will wear me out so fast now that we will be living together and spending nights together.”

I don’t linger around to wait for Samson’s response because I know a disaster waiting to happen when I see one. This couple will in two years be news fodder for Bukedde’s Agataliko nfufu. Just like the biblical characters, Delilah is selfish and opportunistic while Samson is a fool in love who will wake up only to find his beautiful locks gone and we all know how that story ends.