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It Is Love Not An Invasion, Stop Holding People Hostage


So you met this guy who told you he loved you. He persistently pursued you until you gave in. For a while you were inseparable; you loved and lived for each other. Just when you thought things could not get any better, he proposed. Oh happy days!

And then out of the blue things change. He starts pulling away. He disappears for days and when he turns up he has nothing to say for himself.

As a grown woman you should realize that the relationship has run its course and move on. But only if things were that simple! Of course you are hurt, disappointed and embarrassed. What will your friends say? How dare he treat you like that? This is the point where love and obsession become distinct.

When you love a person, you want him or her to be happy, with or without you. When you want to possess that person at all costs, despite him or her wanting to end the relationship, it ceases to be love it becomes an invasion or a hostage situation.

You see, love just like life is a process; there is a lot of growing into and growing out of that gets done.  Whether you worry or not, your partner has every right to change his mind and make new choices just like you do. And a relationship won’t remain at the same stage. You will both change for better although at the moment it might not seem so.

Maybe you will grow in love together or graduate to love others. Leaving a relationship is not easy. It is most unfortunate but it happens and at times it is the prefect thing to do.

“It is not loving to stay in a place or an experience where you are happy sometimes and sad most of the time.” Writes bestselling author Iyanla Vanzant. It is not okay to stay in a place where you are not loved, honoured and valued the way your heart tells you you deserve to be. It is not self-loving, nor is it loving to others involved to allow yourself to be mentally, emotionally or physically abused in hope that things can or will get better.

Love does not ask us to lose ourselves, harm and sacrifice ourselves and others for its sake. If you are being dishonored, disrespected, physically harmed for the sake of holding onto a relationship I think you should consider leaving. When you find yourself becoming some sort of jailer forcing people to stay with you against their will, it is time for you to let go.

Here are signs that you are becoming dangerously obsessive and you need to seek help.

Do you constantly monitor your partner’s social media accounts to see changes to their status, profile picture or friends list?

Do you snoop through their phones, tabs, laptops looking for evidence of cheating?

Have you ever driven by their workplace or hangouts just to see where they are and who they are with?

Do you get jealous of your partner spending time with other people, when they could be spending time with you?

When you aren’t together, do you feel compelled to know exactly where they are, and who they are with?

Are you incapable of being happy or living a functional life when they aren’t around?

Do you live in a constant fear that the relationship is going to end?