We all long for a sexual experience that leaves us feeling appreciated, loved and fulfilled. The good news is that, that dissatisfaction is your first step to creating the intimacy you dream of. And even better news is that your effort will be equally rewarded. So here are some things you can do that will put you on your way to a deeper intimate experience with your beloved.

Make your partner your friend

This is easier said than done especially in relationships that describe themselves as complicated but it holds the key to making all the difference in your sex life. It doesn’t matter what mad skills and superior techniques you have mastered, none of you will enjoy the sex if you feel as if you are being used or judged for your effort. Intimacy requires acceptance, understanding and, of course, physical attraction. Ultimately, it’s that feeling of being at home with someone that we crave so much, and that makes the actual act of sex so pleasurable.

So work on developing a solid, always-evolving friendship with your partner.

Appreciate your own body

What comes to your mind whenever you look at your naked body? Are you blown away by its awesomeness or do you quickly avert your eyes in revulsion. These are the same feelings you will be subconsciously transmitting to your partner during sex. When you are able to feel, explore and love your own body, you are better able to communicate what you want, what you crave and what makes you feel fulfilled.

Communicate

One of the commonest reasons that sex starts to feel routine, and far less passionate, is through lack of communication. The more you can practice shortening the time it takes between feeling hurt and letting the other person know, the lower your chances of developing resentment. Less resentment and other negativity means a greater willingness to give and receive in other ways, especially when it comes to sex.

Break the monotony

If it ain’t broke then don’t fix doesn’t exactly apply to your sex life. Widen your range of expressiveness, evolve and step out of your safe comfort zone.  Allow your partner to take you with more strength and abandon or express a deeper degree of hunger, sensuality, vulnerability and openness in your desires. If you allow yourself to explore your fantasies without shame and surrender more fully into your deepest desires, you can proactively add a depth of experience unlike anything you’ve ever felt.

Don’t fixate on the goal

When having sex, let the entire outcome be to experience your partner in the moment and offer them something deeply in return.  If you don’t feel pressured to reach a milestone during intimacy, how much deeper could you let go, enjoy and surrender to your partner? Let sex be an expression of love, service and presence which will open the doorway to experiencing sex as a spiritual experience, too.

Do yoga

When it comes to inner transformation, you have two loyal partners your breath and your imagination that are always ready and willing to help you move into a better space. When you feel that you are not where you’d like to be, with your partner try this out.

Waves of Appreciation: A Practice

A powerful example of using breath and images, this next practice can be done anytime and anywhere alone or in a crowd, while sitting in meditation or when you are in a challenging situation. It is a perfect practice to share with those you love because it grows the love between you.

The waves of breath flow up to the shore of your body on the in-breath. They flow out to the sea of energy surrounding you on the out-breath.

As the breath rolls inland, let it fill every corner and every pocket of your body and mind. Then let head thoughts drop down into the body on the first out-breath.

Breathe in again. Draw in fresh life.  On the exhalation, let the head surrender to the heart as the waves surrender themselves back to the ocean.

Inhale. Allow thoughts of someone or something you love to enter your body and mind. As the breath rolls out again, feel your appreciation warming the heart.

Inhale again. Drop down into the heart, and grow the sense of appreciation. Let other thoughts and feelings of appreciation gather in the heart. Exhale and send your appreciation out to the world, to the universe.

Begin to breathe in and out through the heart center. Circulate waves of love up to the shore of your body-mind and send currents of appreciation back out to the vast sea of life.

Continue for as long as you like, and return to the experience as needed throughout the day.