What if the things you fear most actually did come true? You have probably heard of the popular saying that most things we worry about never happen, but they forget about Murphy’s Law. Named after Edward A. Murphy Jr, the law states that if there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then.
Take a moment to consider the worst thing that can happen to you or the things you think you can’t live without. Well, again as Murphy’s Law states if there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong. But I can tell you from experience that you can survive it all.
Like most young girls, growing up my plan was to live in a big beautiful home, drive a luxury car and healthy, happy children with my dotting husband. My dream was so vivid that I even had names for my six children. I have always had a deep fondness for children so I planned to have as many as I possibly could but not less than six. Like many of us, I knew the way to make my dreams come true was to make them come true. So I worked really hard and my ambition started paying off. Soon I had the home, the car, the man and was preparing to start on the family.
And then I saw it all crumble to pieces. First my marriage broke down, then my flat was repossessed. Just when I thought it could not get worse, I was diagnosed with cancer. I do not have to tell you how terrible cancer is. It takes a toll on every aspect of your life. It does not only rob you of your health, but gorges on your finances and breaks your relationships.
Following my diagnosis, I lived the next 12 years of my life in pause mode as I battled to evict the unwelcome guest that had moved into my life and made itself comfortable. I told myself I would not let cancer win. I dug within me and found the willpower to fight back in every possible ways available to me.
Following my diagnosis, I lived the next 12 years of my life in pause mode as I battled to evict the unwelcome guest that had moved into my life and made itself comfortable. I told myself I would not let cancer win. I dug within me and found the willpower to fight back in every possible ways available to me.
As the doctors fought with all the medications available, I took full responsibility for my emotional wellbeing. I had always loved dancing so I purposed to go out and dance every chance I got.
“I purposed to go out and dance every chance I got”
As the doctors fought with all the medications available, I took full responsibility for my emotional wellbeing. I had always loved dancing so I purposed to go out and dance every chance I got. Sessions of Chemotherapy knock you down for a good two weeks at a time then you have a week of strength before the next round of treatment. I went out clubbing every single day of that week. I drunk and ate what I could and wanted to. My friends would be shocked every time I told them to go out to the club with me. Looking back, I now realized they had no choice but to do as I wished and I love them for that. Before starting chemo, the consultant told I was likely to lose my hair and advised I cut it off before to avoid seeing it fall out. So I did and bought wigs and wore them whenever I went out in public.
Following my diagnosis, I lived the next 12 years of my life in pause mode as I battled to evict the unwelcome guest that had moved into my life and made itself comfortable. I told myself I would not let cancer win. I dug within me and found the willpower to fight back in every possible ways available to me.
As the doctors fought with all the medications available, I took full responsibility for my emotional wellbeing. I had always loved dancing so I purposed to go out and dance every chance I got.
“If I hadn’t gone to that wedding, I would never have met my husband.”
Sessions of Chemotherapy knock you down for a good two weeks at a time then you have a week of strength before the next round of treatment. I went out clubbing every single day of that week. I drunk and ate what I could and wanted to. My friends would be shocked every time I told them to go out to the club with me. Looking back, I now realized they had no choice but to do as I wished and I love them for that. Before starting chemo, the consultant told I was likely to lose my hair and advised I cut it off before to avoid seeing it fall out. So I did and bought wigs and wore them whenever I went out in public.
I believe it is natural for people to feel sad around cancer patients. However, I didn’t want that sad energy around me, so I let my friends know I didn’t want anyone looking sad or expressing pity. I wanted to surround myself with joy, people who could laugh at my bald head and make jokes about how I looked. I wanted to laugh all the time, and I know that’s how I found my strength. This attitude, I believe, played a crucial role in my healing and my journey afterward.
Had I been lying in bed, feeling sorry for myself, I would not have accepted the invitation to a friend’s wedding. If I hadn’t gone to that wedding, I would never have met my husband. At that time, a relationship was the last thing on my mind; I was still undergoing treatment, and I bore visible scars from multiple surgeries. The thought of revealing myself to someone felt daunting. But when I met this man, it was truly love at first sight. I am grateful every day that I refused to let fear stand in the way of love.
If cancer was my school, I’m proud to say I graduated with honours. I have now been cancer-free for more than a decade, and since then, I live my life in fast-forward. It might sound ironic, but hitting rock bottom transformed me into a much more positive person. I truly love living and am grateful for each day. I talk to myself in the mirror every day to remind myself to detach from negativity and negative people.
I choose every day to nourish and look after my mind and that is advice I would probably give to any one going through any sort of challenge. You sometimes think it is not possible when everything you hear, see, and being done to you blocks your mind, but believe me we have that power to unblock bad channels in the mind and fill it with good. In turn you will see it happening with your body and your health.
My biggest regret, however, is not being able to have children as a result of the disease. While I have resigned myself to the possibility that it may never happen, I haven’t completely lost hope. Being very religious, I have faith in Allah’s ability to make the impossible possible. And with the advances in science, there’s a small voice in my head that tells me it could still happen. Yet, I refuse to let that voice take over my life and consume me.
Life is an adventure and a gift not just to oneself but to others so I choose to live it boldly and visibly. I believe in addressing my problems as they arise and letting go of those I cannot solve. I no longer dwell on failures; instead, I focus on what I can control. My attachment to material possessions has lessened, and I find greater value in social capital. I prefer to invest in knowledge and education, and I take joy in giving back to those in need.
Currently, alongside my degree in forensics, I have decided to return to nursing school. I see this as my way of giving back to the community and contributing positively to the lives of others. My journey has taught me resilience, and I am committed to using my experiences to make a difference.
Tabitha Nabuliba is a forensic expert based in the UK and a breast cancer survivor.
